From Across the Net – “Infertility Prepared Me to Reach Other Childless Men”

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Infertility, at times, whispers to me in the darkest recesses of my soul. Telling me that I am a failure.

I am thankful for those, in my church, who have dared to bridge this gap. I am thankful for a God, who loves my wife and I so much, that He has called us out of the grieving process and into adoption. That doesn’t mean that we don’t still have bad days. 9 years of nothing still haunts us. No, this means that we now focus on what He can provide… versus us. I am thankful for His hope.

This piece about gutted me this morning. Reminds me that Satan speaks into the silence of where fellow Christians are afraid to go… But we have to.

“I have so many questions about why this isn’t happening for us,” Neil told me, “and what we should try next.” For Neil, these questions included the ethics of using donor eggs or donor sperm, whether an adopted child would ever feel like “his own,” plus age-old questions about God and suffering. This is hard terrain to navigate, one I have seen precipitate theological shifts into unorthodox territory when people lack pastoral guidance.

“All my friends are fathers and grandfathers,” another man told me. “And me? I’m nothing.” When infertility robs you of being a father, what else can you become? This can be a key question for infertile men.

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Loving Enemies With Your Thumbs

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I have been previewing Wyatt’s devotional book we just started for the year. Prereading so that I:

  • Can ask questions for bedtime discussion/prayer
  • Know what he is reading/accountability

The devotional entry for today was titled “It’s all about the Thumbs”. It talks about how we act and ultimately behave on social media. I thought the entry was bit funny as Wyatt isn’t on social media (Facebook has a rule where you have to be at least 13 years old to open an account). I am thankful we have not had to go down that road yet.

Verse of the Day:

But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. – Luke 6:35 (NIV)

After surveying the entry for today, I wrote down some questions for him to think on/answer before we talk tonight (he writes his answers down in a small notebook):

  • How can you show kindness to others while playing video games (which IS something he does with his thumbs)?
  • What makes you mad when playing video games?

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Having a devotional time with your kids doesn’t have to be long. The key is moving forward and doing something while being intentional. Already, in the few days we’ve been going through this new bedtime routine, I’ve noticed that the discussion questions have given us specific needs to pray over. This is a good thing as I’m often not sure what to pray over with him.

362 days to go. Habits take 2-3 weeks to take hold. Why not start a devotional time, with your own kids, and join me?

Pushing Through the Fog of School

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Sending your child to school isn’t easy. You’re sending them off into the unknown. Sure, you know that there is safety and structure, but you have no clue what their teacher might be like. No clue what is going on in the classroom or the playground. Unless you ask.

To cut through the fog of school, you need to frame questions in a specific way. Questions that move beyond simple one word answers.

Instead of asking: How was school today?

Ask: Who did you play with today on the playground?

And as a follow up: What did you play?

Parenting is all about playing the role of the detective. Ask questions and then listen. Be present. Avoid distracting thoughts. Your child knows when they have your full attention.

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Questions to further push through:

  • What made you laugh today?
  • Who did you sit by at lunch?
  • What was the most fun part of your day?
  • Did anything surprise you today?
  • What did you learn in music (P.E., computer lab, etc.) today?

As you listen to your child, you’ll discover what frustrates and excites them. Don’t be afraid to turn one of their answers into a teachable moment. It is your job, as a parent, to help your child make sense of the world. To cut through the fog.

What questions do you ask your kids?