The Day After I Turned 40

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I never know 100% what to write here. I go back and forth between writing about video games/board games and then about personal stuff. How many readers who read my stuff about video games want to know about our adoption journey? How many readers want to read about my thoughts on worship music?

Yesterday, I turned 40. I spent my day working. Came home after, ate dinner, went out for ice cream, and then I was on the phone for an hour and forty-five minutes with a family member. By the time I was done, I put Wyatt to bed (we went over his devotional, prayed, and he read for an hour) and soon went to bed myself.

Television makes a pretty big deal about your birthday. I mean, not your individual birthday but birthdays as a whole.

“Your birthday should be all about you.”

“Your birthday is your day, relax.”

I mean just the other night my wife and I were watching Season 3 of Virgin River. The first episode is all about main character Melinda “Mel” Monroe’s birthday. Through out the episode, her boyfriend, Jack Sheridan, is unsure what to do. So he schedules her a message, flies lunch (sushi) in via bush pilot, etc. Towards the end of the episode, Jack surprises Mel with tickets for a dinner cruise. She doesn’t want to go. What she has told Jack all along is that all she wants is a cupcake and a bath. So what does Jack give her? A cupcake, a bath, and Jack’s house catching fire? One could say that Mel got what she wanted and some smoke inhalation as a bonus. How sweet.

I am learning that being an adult, a now 40 year old adult, is about unexpected things that come up in life. Be it a phone call or your boyfriends house catching fire (and burning to the ground). Happy Birthday to me.

Adoption Update – 4/19/2021

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This is one of those issues that I am hesitant to talk about here (it is supposed to be about gaming, mostly, after all, right?). Sure, I have written about our family going through the adoption process. But what does that look like 2 years in? What challenges are we facing as a family?

We took our classes to adopt through the State of Texas in May of 2019. Since then, besides being a part of a few broadcasts–social workers are sent emails with prospective adoptees–, nothing. With COVID settling in this past year it has seemed like everything has shut down and hasn’t awakened… yet.

Without access to broadcasts (have heard nothing from our caseworker), we’ve been stuck. Adoption has gone from a dream, to what felt like a reality, to a thing we only whisper about.

Q: So what does it look like 2 years in?

  • Quiet. Absolute silence. Is our caseworker not doing her job? Is this normal when going through the State? Are we supposed to become foster parents with hopes of adopting later on?

Q: What challenges are we facing as a family?

  • Dealing with the silence. Deciding whether we continue on the adoption journey.

COVID was a really big deal and still is for some. I don’t want to diminish that feeling of helplessness we all felt in March of last year. I also know that it feels like time is ticking for myself. Do we play the State’s game? Do we close our house and give up the adoption dream?

Something says not yet.

Not yet.

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Two weeks ago, I was on the Texas Adoption Resource Exchange (TARE). I came across a young man who I thought would be a good addition to our family. So I emailed our caseworker and asked that she make inquiries. Beyond a simple email back asking for some more information, nothing yet.

And so we wait.

Adoption Update – The Door Hasn’t Closed Yet

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A friend asked me recently, “Have you heard anything on adoption front?”

I sighed, “No.”

Turns out our caseworker visited us a few weeks back. As she inspected our home, she confirmed ages, whether we want a boy or girl, etc. All things she should have already known. After a year and a half of waiting, we found this a tiny bit discouraging.

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

And yet, my friend also said something that gave me hope.

“You’re just going to keep plugging along until God tells you otherwise?”

I hadn’t really thought of this before, but yes, we will keep our house open until God tells us otherwise. He called us into this messy process, and He can call us out of it.

Patience is hard. Waiting is hard. But until God closes the adoption door, we’ll be standing right here, waiting.

Adoption Update – Jumping the Shark

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I won’t ever forget watching The Fonz, water skiing in his leather jacket, jump over a small ocean corral of sharks. For years, I had heard of this “jump the shark” moment, but I could never have imagined just how random/stupid this stunt really was.

Jumping the Shark

Our adoption journey had a jump the shark moment a few weeks ago. Our caseworker, despite knowing our adoption preferences, sent us the profile of a much older kid.

At first, I was okay with our case worker testing the waters. Sure, Tab and I could give this child a last name, a place to crash, and help them get ready for life. Sure, we could pack in all of the important life lessons, we would have taught them over the years, into one year of their life. I was okay with the idea of adopting a 17 year old–would especially like to look into this once our son is older–, until I wasn’t.

Our adoption process has been marked with friends and family making small comments that burrow deep under my skin. Comments such as:

  • “Why don’t you do foster and adoption like we did? You’ll get a kid then.”
  • “And we were told that we’d never get a child if we went the route that you have.”
  • “You shouldn’t be frustrated, hurt, or angry over this process, God has this under control.”
  • “Oh, I’ve heard horror stories about older kids being adopted.”

I don’t think that these comments are meant to be hurtful but they are.

I am forever thankful for those that ask us how the process is going. Those that are willing to listen and not necessarily push their way of doing things. God has brought good friends to walk alongside us on this journey.

I haven’t written as much on adoption lately because there hasn’t been much to say. Silence, from our caseworker, continues to be the norm. I have also felt God telling me to pray more and write/talk less about it. I’m sure there is a balance to that though.

If you think about my family, could you take a moment and pray with us? Every morning I wake up to see the room across the hall is empty. Someone is missing. Could you pray over that with me? That God would have His way. That we would be able to listen/discern the route we need to take. I’d really appreciate it.

Growing our family through adoption.