Death, Invincibility, and Living in the Now

About two weeks ago, our neighbor came over and said he had something he needed to talk about. He found out that he had cancer. A highly aggressive form of cancer too (he was having trouble breathing). Today, Tabitha called me to tell me he had passed away.

I am not sure what to think; I am not sure what I should be feeling right now. Here was a man who was approaching retirement. No doubt thinking that he would then have time to do all the things one does in retirement. But no. Retirement was a dream that went poof the moment he breathed his last breath.

What does that mean for me?

I am not getting any younger. My 20’s are a distant memory. My 30’s were the decade I thought I’d finally figure everything out… and didn’t. Now in my early 40’s, I see 50 looming like a oncoming freight train. Saving for retirement should be priority.

My Grandpa Hall retired sometime in his 60’s. Him and my grandma had some good years together, where they traveled and did stuff. Quickly though I watched as dementia slipped in. My grandpa was perfectly healthy minus the dementia. I watched as he became a shell of the man he was. Within his eyes one could see that he knew what was going on. For him, retirement equaled a few good years, dealing with dementia, and then death. I don’t want that.

I don’t want to wait until some magical age where I can retire and FINALLY do all the things I’ve wanted to do. I want to do those things now.

My Grandpa Ayers died in his sleep, at home, in his early 60’s. (I still tear up even thinking about this. Death makes us just a little bit raw. It’s as if we know, deep down, there is something more… that we were meant for so much more.) My grandpa lived his life to the fullest. Investing in my brother and I when my dad was busy working, providing for our family. If anything, I want to live like my grandpa. Who even after he had retired, found out he had to go back to work (a man he had invested with ran off with my grandparent’s money). All through it, I never heard my grandpa complain. He just smiled, loved on us kids, and went to work. Work equaled a means to enjoy his family.

Death can come for any of us at any moment. To think we are invincible, that we somehow can ward off death, is a fool’s thought. Just like my next door neighbor, one moment you are here, the next moment you are facing eternity.

Press Start – Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth

I’ve long wanted to play Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth. It is one of those games that I see on sale for a few bucks, think about purchasing for a moment, but then conclude that now is not the time. I was also unsure exactly what I would be getting into. What “gameplay” did The Pillars of the Earth have? Doing a little research, the game is basically a visual novel where your choices matter. Having played That Dragon Cancer, Batman: The Telltale Series, and even Mutazione, Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth was right up my alley.

Last night, I played through the introduction (which had me, the husband, pulling midwife duties for my in-game wife). Color me intrigued.

My Morning Commute – School Zones and Mutterings Under the Breath

On my commute to work, I pass through two school zones. One of them makes sense, as there could be kids present; The other makes no sense at all, as I have never seen a kid breathing in the vicinity. That is not to say my example kid above is dead or in the process of dying.

So, here I am driving the required 30 miles an hour in a school zone. The lights are flashing, meaning the school zone is activated. What does the car do next to me? They speed up, getting in front of me, and then proceed to sit on the car in front of them. My internal dialogue went something like:

“Where is a police officer?”

There usually is a police officer that patrols this particular school zone.

And then I muttered under my breath, “I hope they get a ticket.”

My response was honest. However, I didn’t like the vindictiveness that was on my breath as I spoke.

Do you ever find as you are driving through life, everything can be going well until someone cuts you off? Derails you, for a moment, from the task at hand or moment in play. How do you respond? And do you think your response matters?

For a Christian, a follower of Christ, I’d say that our response certainly does matter. Even if someone cuts you off, and you feel like they need a ticket.

A Valentine’s Day Update

I am currently listening to the rain’s pitter-patter on the windows. I can hear a train’s horn off in the distance. All is quiet in the office except for the gentle purr of my air purifier.

Woke up this morning, my wife made me breakfast. (My co-workers said to me, “Doesn’t your wife make you breakfast everyday?”) Not just any breakfast, mind you, but a special Valentine’s Day breakfast. I ate a toast with a special heart shape (filled with eggs), bananas and blue berries, and even a piece of sausage. So good.

This past weekend, as everyone was watching the Super Bowl, Tabitha and I went out to a new Mexican place called Chuy’s. Man, we needed this time! Hadn’t had a chance to be alone–just the two of us–since well before our anniversary (January 27th). In fact, we didn’t do anything for our anniversary because of a youth event called The Rise. But when you get to see students respond to the Gospel and sing with their hearts to the God of the Heaven, it’s worth it.

I am currently reading Robert Jordan’s The Dragon Reborn – The third book in the Wheel of Time series.

I am also reading, for devotional, Dane C. Ortland’s In the Lord I Take Refuge: 150 Daily Devotions through the Psalms.

Playing a whole lot of Clash Royale on mobile with a side of TowerFall, Sea of Stars demo, and the Octopath Traveler 2 demo.

I’m just here, making the money, on a wet Tuesday.

What are you reading, watching, or playing?

Let me know in the comments below.

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