JohnnyBGamer

Something happened on the way to school

Today Wyatt had a math test. We were running late. Test anxiety, tiredness, and general panic filled the car as we drove to school. It is on mornings like this that I am happy we have a short five minute drive. But still, there is traffic. Other parents rushing their children about. A regular suburban war zone of cars, humanity.

As we got closer to school, Wyatt asked if he could pray. I told him sure. He prayed for the usual things, family safety being key. I navigated us into the parent drop-off lane. Reminding him that there was nothing he could do about the test this morning. All he could do is do his best.

Driving through the final drop-off area, my grown-up six year old melted before my eyes. He was crying. I reassured him that he was going to have a great day. The door opened, he gave me a hug and got out.

I don’t have these moments too often, moments where I want to swoop in and protect my kid. But this morning, this was a morning where I wanted to do just that. I wanted to protect him, reassure him, let him know that the world is an okay place. It is on mornings like this that I wonder if my wife and I should homeschool. Academically challenge him in ways public school is failing at. Another discussion for another time though.

My heart hurt this morning. It sucked. I had to trust that Wyatt would have a good day. Knowing that he is a super smart kid and would do just fine on his test. I had to let go… and I didn’t want to.

Being a dad can be hard. Understatement of the year.

We can do this.

Boys Club

Wyatt and I were alone Saturday afternoon. Tabitha went to a pre-wedding event (her brother is getting married next month), so we made a special time of it. Welcome to Boys Club.

Boys Club: A time when father and son get to hang out together, away from momma; a time where all topics are on the table, including poo-poo. Butt face.

Ever since Wyatt began to talk, I have tried to schedule special times together. Time away from momma. A set time were we could talk all we wanted about potty humor. A safe place where I could build trust with my son. I want him to be able to talk to me about anything. I figure if we can joke around and talk about bodily functions, we can talk about the deeper things in life later on. But fart jokes never get old. Ever.

Our Saturday Boys Club consisted of:

Playing the Star Wars Battlefront beta together
Happy hour drinks at Sonic
Starting/beating the LEGO Jurassic Park demo. Best part of the game was controlling the raptors.
Running around the backyard with Nerf guns and swords.
Watching at least two hours of Transformers Prime. Optimus Prime was at his end…or was he?

Best part of our day was in the backyard. Wyatt wanted to go outside and play Transformers. So we each picked a weapon. I grabbed a foam sword, he grabbed a Nerf gun. Somehow we never got around to playing. Wyatt was too concerned with making up rules, structure, to our play. I got bored. So I grabbed his gun and took off. There were tears over my dual wielding weapons.

“You can’t have two!”

(Right, I’m the parent. Take the higher path. Give the kid a weapon.)

What did giving him a weapon bring about? Me losing both arms and legs to a foam sword. It hurt. A lot. I told him I had had enough. Wyatt then created something to regrow my limbs. All forgiven. Until our play continued and I broke out my Nerf shotgun. Which then snapped in half as I cocked it. Hulk smash!

My son and I are a lot alike. We can drive each other crazy in a moment. Boys Club on Saturday was a success. Optimus Prime lived.

I want to encourage dads out there to set up special times with your kids. This time doesn’t have to be expensive or involve going anywhere. A drive in the car, a battle in the backyard, a conversation before bed. Build a solid foundation today with your kids. They’ll remember the time they spent with you. Good time with dad.

Game on.

A Call: Moving Beyond Artificial Relationships

There comes a point where we are talking past one another. More interested in communicating our points of view versus practicing active listening. Direction, or more so the lack of it, unites us towards the brink of nothing. As a truck stuck in the mud, we are spinning our tires, flapping our collective jaws. We have no power, no authority, no solid foundation. Our relationships are artificial. Welcome to an age lacking any sort of relational depth, welcome to the age of social media.

Facebook, Twitter, both are tools that provide instant connection and communication across the globe. We can use these tools to promote change, voice ideas, and escape our everyday lives. Yet, our online interactions lack the tangible, the real. Body language, fluctuations in tone/voice, growing with one another, all lost in translation. We get to where we think we know others based on how much information we have shared about ourselves. As if time and information mean something. And they do. They equal relationships bobbing on the surface of life.

Who are you spending time with?
Are you even leaving the house?
When was the last time you looked away from your screen and made eye contact with another human?

Surface level relationships will never go beyond the surface. Diving equipment, time invested in person, allows us to get to know one another better. Being purposeful in our pursuit, this is key. We have to make time to have time to spend with others; We have to get over ourselves, move beyond technology.

An invitation to go for a walk, time set aside to enjoy nature and listen. Spending the lunch hour eating with a friend. Time invested. Physical time. We need more of this. We need to do this.

Be purposeful. Love people. Seek those around you who need a friend. We are all lonely. We want those around us to see us as we are. Help others get to know you. In the process, you can get to know them. Live life. Move beyond the surface and into the deeper waters.

Realize that this process takes time and that it won’t be easy. Things that matter in life never are.

We can do this.

GWJ Parenting Quote

“I actually love being a dad. I don’t want you to imagine otherwise. The reality is that very often I do pack away the laptop or PS3, and have an amazing time with my kids. My desk at work is annoyingly littered with pictures of my boys, and when people ask me about my children I really end up making them regret asking or even knowing me in the first place. But like any work worth doing, the better a job you hope you do at it, the exponentially harder the job becomes. Parenting is, by definition, nearly constant marginalization of your own ego and impulses, and at least for me those voices in my head did not go quiet into that good night.”

“I don’t want you to have the impression that I don’t like spending time with my kids. We do it all the time, and I love it. But, honest to God, sometimes you just want to come home and play some Killzone—but you know if you do that, then just like that you’re the guy who played a game called “Killzone” instead of being a good dad and playing with your offspring (which for all practical concerns means an hour of playing Thomas the Tank Engine, only you are given Toby, who is the crappiest tank engine of all time).” – The Secret Life of Dad

Trust When There Is No Light

Who among you fears the Lord
    and obeys the word of his servant?
Let the one who walks in the dark,
    who has no light,
trust in the name of the Lord
    and rely on their God.
¹¹But now, all you who light fires
    and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
    and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
    You will lie down in torment. – Isaiah 50:10-11 (NIV)

We are called to have faith in times of darkness, times when we do not feel like we are hearing from God. Our temptation is to light our own torches, to not trust in God (Genesis 16), but that does not end well. When God gives us a glimpse of something He has for us, we just need to wait on Him. Waiting sometimes isn’t easy, but it is necessary.