JohnnyBGamer

Overwhelmed, Tired, Angry, Scared, Frustrated and Certainly Not Caffeinated

As a blogger, I often write posts that end up being tossed into the void known as the “draft folder”. Perhaps I wasn’t comfortable publishing the particular post at the time or maybe even felt that it was too personal . The last thing I want for JohnnyBGamer to become is a place for me to serve cheese and whine (even if it is potentially of a high quality). With that being said, below is a post I wrote sometime back in September. Back then, I was on the verge of having my gallbladder taken out. I think the title says it all.

starbucks-coffee-cup — Call me a baby but this stuff is too strong!

The world feels as if it is grinding to an abrupt stop and I am not holding onto anything in order to brace myself. I feel unsteady on my feet, vulnerable to damage. Financial pressures lap at my legs like a cold pond in October. Which for some reason reminds me of birds migrating south for the winter. Isn’t that how life is. One moment we are flying free, traveling forward, unaware of the hunter’s standing below ready to fire.

My thoughts are dripping out like my coffee maker sputtering its last molecules of java into the pot. It seems that my visit to the surgeon yesterday has done nothing to help me focus today. Not that I thought that the visit would bring about any sort of epiphany. I do know now that I will soon be parting with a friend I have had all my life; a friend who is no longer pulling his weight. My gallbladder has got to go.

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you stepped out the door at the wrong time? The skies suddenly opening up with a down pouring rain, destroying the hair and the clothing you spent so much time on. Certainly one of those days where it would have been better to just stay in bed. I kind of feel like that today.

We all have our ups and downs. Days where we feel that our lives have amounted to very little. In a way, on days like today, we, I, exchange the truth for a lie. We forget about all that we have accomplished and focus on the things we have yet to attain.

To think that I thought it prudent to excuse my morning cup of coffee this morning.

The Old Republic

Yesterday, the State of Texas celebrated it’s 174th birthday. Happy birthday Texas!

Speaking of other old republics, I started downloading Star Wars: The Old Republic last night. As of this moment, my download is almost done! My plans are to create a Han Solo type character–hey, I’ve always called myself a scoundrel!–. I am really looking forward to playing the game and comparing it to my other BioWare experience, Mass Effect 2.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. The high today, here in East Texas, is 62 degrees. A nice change from the 80 degree weather we have oddly experienced this past week. Until next time.

Weekend Update – 2/25/2012

Good morning,

The sky is perfectly clear and beautiful today in Longview, Texas. The high today is supposed to be 64 degrees. Which is crazy considering that two days ago we had 85 degree weather. As they say, if you don’t like the weather in Texas right now just wait a moment.

My parents flew in for the weekend, for my son’s birthday, so we are going to spend some time with them. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Remember to get outside and enjoy the weather!

Bryan

Being Atlas

In my senior year of high school, I served as a background vocalist in my church’s youth praise band. Because of my “position” in the youth group, I was considered to be in leadership. At the time, I admit, I had no clue what that meant.

One day, I remember being approached by the pastor’s wife, she wanted to talk. Word had gotten back to her that I had been talking about a R-rated movie I had watched (The Patriot). While I didn’t think that this was any of her business, she was upset that I had been talking about this movie in front of others in the youth group. I didn’t see what the big deal was. I was told that because I was in leadership, I needed to either lead by example or step down. Time went on, I must not have changed, and soon I felt pressure to move on. I left the church in anger and frustration.

Looking back on this situation, I can understand it more as an adult. I can understand how talking about a movie (yes, something this simple) could potentially be damaging to other believers. Romans 14 goes into greater detail on this subject of the “weak” and “strong” in faith. Verses that really stick out to me are:

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. (14:13)

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. ²⁰ Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. (14:19-20a)

And finally:

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. (14:22)

I do not want to be a stumbling block to anyone. I do not want to destroy the work of God over something as petty as what I consume media-wise. With this in mind, anytime I write about a certain game or a game review on this site, I am writing about it just to share my experience. I am not writing about it to brag or to cause someone to stumble (“Hey look, Bryan is doing it, we can too!”). Just because I can guilt-free, without conviction, play a first person shooter doesn’t mean that you necessarily can. God may convict you over things that I am not convicted over. That is cool.

I now know that being in a leadership position, a position or platform in the open, automatically holds me to a higher standard. As a blogger, that is something that is constantly running through the back of my mind. I have a responsibility for what I write and say. Words can bring either life or death.

What do you think?