Death of a Modern Woman

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A daughter got up to speak at her mother’s funeral recently. She talked about how her mom was a “modern woman”. Her unspoken words silently screaming that her mother resented staying home and raising her and her siblings.

The funeral continued with another daughter stepping up to the lectern to speak. She mentioned that her mom was a life long member of the church they attended. She also talked about current tensions between siblings and made a sideswipe at her brother for his lack of talent.

Photo by Kerri Shaver on Unsplash

Sitting there, I noticed that nothing was said of the deceased woman’s faith but only of her membership. As another daughter’s words were read aloud by the pastor, I felt grossed out by the tension in this family. The bitterness smothering any love that might once have existed between them.

As Tabitha and I walked out of the church, we held hands while walking out to the car. Trying to imagine living in family, having siblings, that were so torn up and hurt by one another. In the privacy of the car, we talked about how we want to be remembered. How we want people to speak of us at our own funerals.

I walked away thinking about what holds our family together. The faith and values that Tabitha and I surround ourselves and fill our home with. I would hope that Wyatt would grow up and look back on his childhood with fondness. I also realize that we can do EVERYTHING we’d consider right and things can still go sideways. I am thankful that God is bigger than any of my own parental missteps.

I want people to remember me for my actions and not my accomplishments. I want to be remembered as more than just a life long member of a church.

Legacy

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This morning I went to a funeral of a former co-worker’s dad. Knowing nothing about the deceased, I learned that he had been:

  • In the Korean War
  • A local sheriff
  • A husband, father, and friend to many
  • A man set in his ways
  • A man who was willing to drive to the far corners of the country in order to barter and bargain

The gentleman was also described as:

  • Being set in his ways
  • Onry
  • Stern/strict
  • Frugal
  • There when his family needed him

As I sat in this church built in 1920’s “mission style” architecture, I started to think of my own legacy. How do I want people to remember me? What words do I want people to use to describe me?

First and foremost, I want people to remember me not for my own idiosyncrasies but for my actions. I want people to remember that I was obedient to Christ. That I followed Him and was obedient enough to allow Him to use me.

Second, I want those that I come into contact with (family, friends, etc.) to know that I loved Jesus. Not only that I love Him, but that I was willing to put action to Christ’s words. That I went forth and made disciples (shared my presence, my life with others); That I truly loved those around me as God loves them.

Every man wants to make a mark upon this world. I want my mark, my legacy, to not be about me. I want my legacy to be all about God and His work. I want people to say:

He was a believer in deed

He had a heart of a different breed

He made his mark and he lived by his creed

A true believer, a believer in deed.

– Petra, “Believer In Deed”

What do you want your legacy to be?

Memories of My Grandmother

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I’m not sure what to write about today. My mind has been an accelerated mess since the death of my Grandma last week. Her death has affected me more than I could have imagined. The funeral is this Saturday…I have been debating on whether to write something or just speak at her funeral. I have concluded that I am going to talk about her. Her life, my memories of her, and about her faith in Jesus Christ.

My Grandma was an only child. I have recently read that children who grow up without siblings are like super firstborns. I would say that this was true of my Grandmother. Not only did she cook, clean the house, and take care of my Grandpa, she also made time to spend with her grandchildren. Now, I’m not going to get all sentimental and say that she spent tons of time with us. But I do remember going on dates with her every few months. She loved doing this. I remember her saying that she had to save up her allowance money in order for her to take me out. Burgers, fries, and a drink and Grandma was happy. Funny memory: Grandma chewing on a Big Mac, with her mouth open. 🙂

My memories of her, at least at this time, are highly polluted by the years she declined with Alzheimer’s. What I do remember though was a woman who was interested in both local and national news. She could carry on an intelligent conversation on just about any topic. More importantly though, my Grandma loved history. This is something that she imparted on me. I wish that I could have told her that I obtained a degree in History. She would have been proud.

In elementary school, I remember having trouble with schoolwork, specifically reading. Now, I wouldn’t work well with my Mom, so my Grandma came over and helped me. I remember loving this extra time spent with her.

My Grandma was also a woman who valued her freedom. She would wait all day, until my Grandpa got home, to get her hands on their pickup truck. This was generally when she would go shopping or come and pick me/ one of my siblings up.

Standing next to her at the Christmas Eve service, my family went to every year, I remember listening to her sing. I have been told that at one time she had sang in a church choir. She told me that she had loved doing this. She had a pretty voice.

I wish I could remember more. What I do know though is that I loved her. Grandma Hall was special to me. I felt like she took the time to actually engage me/ get to know me. She accepted me for me.

The best part about my Grandma dying is that she is now in Heaven. She is no longer a prisoner trapped within her own body. I know that my Grandma is in Heaven due to her belief in Jesus Christ. She knew that the most important decision a human has to make in this world is whether or not he will accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. Those that choose to receive eternal life need only realize that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (John 3:23). Due to falling short, the wages of our sin is death (John 6:23). But God provides a way out, through His only son He sent to die for the world, Jesus Christ (John 3:16). All a person has to do is believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. For it is by grace that we have been saved (Ephesians 2:8-9).

I love you Grandma. See you soon!